Platform Shoes
Interviewer:
Perhaps we could move on to your immigration policy which has stirred up much controversy over the last few days.
Politician (slightly angry):
The only thing controversial is the manner in which the media have misrepresented the policy. I am pleased to be here to set the record straight. The policy simply requires that all immigrants wear platform shoes in public places.
Interviewer:
And you don't see that as discriminatory or degrading?
Politician:
Far from it, right-minded people will see the benefits.
Interviewer:
Perhaps you could explain for the rest of us
Politician:
Of course. Let's start with the environment
Interviewer:
Please do.
Politician:
This policy will enable us to recycle the platform shoe mountain which has been a drain on our economy since the demise of Kajagoogoo in the late eighties.
Interviewer:
But at the expense of making immigrants look stupid
Politician:
Of course not, the truth is over 75% of immigrants now come from Eastern Europe.
Interviewer:
And your point?
Politician:
Have you never seen their television shows, they are about 30 years behind us, all their pop stars wear platform shoes, this policy will help them to retain a contact with their culture, at no cost to them.
Interviewer (becoming angry):
Now you are just being offensive, surely you don't believe that it's acceptable to stereotype in this manner. This will lead to them being singled out for discrimination and harassment.
Politician:
It's simply a fact, and besides eastern europeans are on average 4 inches shorter than the British population; the use of platform shoes will help prevent discrimination and aid integration.
Interviewer (sarcastic):
Really, well, are there any other such useful benefits you expect from your flagship policy?
Politician:
Well there are benefits for health and employment too.
Interviewer:
Health benefits?
Politician:
Yes, as I said eastern europeans are shorter than the British. This policy will help stem the rise in upper back and neck disorders from those who work with them. In fact the NHS have nicknamed the policy stoop stop.
Interviewer:
Stoop stop?
Politician:
Catchy isn't it.
Interviewer:
Mmm. And what about employment?
Politician:
Well, after we have exhausted the platform shoe mountain, and we estimate that will take two years at current rates, we will need to manufacture more. This will reinvigorate the platform shoe production industry more quickly than China suppressing an up-rising.
Interviewer:
And I suppose that there will be a positive affect on education also?
Politician:
I've had enough of your sniping. What have platform shoes got to do with education. You are just trying to make me look silly now. I'm not standing for this, I'm off.
Perhaps we could move on to your immigration policy which has stirred up much controversy over the last few days.
Politician (slightly angry):
The only thing controversial is the manner in which the media have misrepresented the policy. I am pleased to be here to set the record straight. The policy simply requires that all immigrants wear platform shoes in public places.
Interviewer:
And you don't see that as discriminatory or degrading?
Politician:
Far from it, right-minded people will see the benefits.
Interviewer:
Perhaps you could explain for the rest of us
Politician:
Of course. Let's start with the environment
Interviewer:
Please do.
Politician:
This policy will enable us to recycle the platform shoe mountain which has been a drain on our economy since the demise of Kajagoogoo in the late eighties.
Interviewer:
But at the expense of making immigrants look stupid
Politician:
Of course not, the truth is over 75% of immigrants now come from Eastern Europe.
Interviewer:
And your point?
Politician:
Have you never seen their television shows, they are about 30 years behind us, all their pop stars wear platform shoes, this policy will help them to retain a contact with their culture, at no cost to them.
Interviewer (becoming angry):
Now you are just being offensive, surely you don't believe that it's acceptable to stereotype in this manner. This will lead to them being singled out for discrimination and harassment.
Politician:
It's simply a fact, and besides eastern europeans are on average 4 inches shorter than the British population; the use of platform shoes will help prevent discrimination and aid integration.
Interviewer (sarcastic):
Really, well, are there any other such useful benefits you expect from your flagship policy?
Politician:
Well there are benefits for health and employment too.
Interviewer:
Health benefits?
Politician:
Yes, as I said eastern europeans are shorter than the British. This policy will help stem the rise in upper back and neck disorders from those who work with them. In fact the NHS have nicknamed the policy stoop stop.
Interviewer:
Stoop stop?
Politician:
Catchy isn't it.
Interviewer:
Mmm. And what about employment?
Politician:
Well, after we have exhausted the platform shoe mountain, and we estimate that will take two years at current rates, we will need to manufacture more. This will reinvigorate the platform shoe production industry more quickly than China suppressing an up-rising.
Interviewer:
And I suppose that there will be a positive affect on education also?
Politician:
I've had enough of your sniping. What have platform shoes got to do with education. You are just trying to make me look silly now. I'm not standing for this, I'm off.